Hi Friends!
I wrote this post about six months ago….after I’d been trying to get pregnant for over six months. I wrote it mostly for myself after a particularly hard day…and I thought I might share it with you guys at some point…but I wasn’t sure when. A couple weeks ago, Colleen wrote this post (please read it if you haven’t already) and I decided now was as good a time as any.
This post is simply intended to bring awareness to something I never gave a second thought to before I started trying to have kids. My hope is that, if nothing else, it will make you more aware of something you may not think about…and my greater hope is that it will help someone out there going through the same struggles feel a little less alone. I hope it also helps remind you that bloggers are real people too…with real struggles, triumphs and disappointments. Life is not perfect for anyone. Focus on the good.
So here you go:
I’m just gonna lay it all out there, friends: Having kids is not easy for everyone. I want to take a minute to fill you in on some things I wish you knew when you ask that seemingly simple question, “When are you guys going to have kids?”
I want you to know that every time someone asks me that question, it feels like a knife stabbing me in the heart.
That sometimes I just want to scream or cry or run away after you ask me.
But that I know you’re not trying to hurt me.
I want you to know that it doesn’t happen after only one or two months of trying for everyone.
That just because we don’t have kids yet doesn’t mean we don’t want kids or that we’re not trying.
But that maybe it’s none of your business when I’m going to have kids.
I want you to know how hard it is to be immersed in social media day after day, to see dozens of photos of adorable kids and read pregnancy announcement after pregnancy announcement.
That I’m genuinely happy for all of you out there that are pregnant or already have kids…I think it’s something everyone should be able to experience if they’d like to.
But that it still hurts on the inside.
I want you to know that every month it doesn’t happen for us, my heart breaks a little bit more.
That the tests, exercise restrictions, pills and the lack of explanation are frustrating, gut-wrenching and something I wouldn’t wish on anyone else.
But that we still have hope.
I want you to know that this journey is taking an emotional toll on me.
That my heart aches and I cry and that I never thought it would be this hard.
But that we’re not giving up.
Mostly, I just want you to take a second to consider what others might be going through. I want you to think about it for a second before you ask someone “When are you having kids?” Because someday, someone might just give you a brutally honest answer…and it might be more than you bargained for.
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A few notes:
- This is not in any way directed at anyone specifically. If you’ve asked me about kids in the past, please don’t feel like I was writing this about you/toward you. These are general statements about my experience.
- This is not a stab at anyone who is pregnant or has kids. I’m simply sharing another side of the story. In no way do I think you should stop posting pregnancy updates, stop posting about your kids, etc. I’m sure i’ll do the same someday.
- I’m eternally grateful to have my hubby as a support system on this journey.
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I shared this post with hubby while I was still deciding whether or not to post it and he offered to give his insight as well. Here’s what he has to say:
Bean had me read this. She shared it shortly after I came home to find her inconsolable and tried my best to cheer her up- that’s been the hardest part so far. It’s a really personal topic and something we don’t really even talk about with our friends. Quite frankly, I don’t hear many people talk about it all. For us, it’s not because we don’t love and trust our friends, but its kind of a downer and not good dinner conversation. “Hey, can you pass the wine? Also, we can’t seem to get this pregnancy thing nailed down.” However, I know the disappointment we both feel every month when I say “well?” and Bean shakes her head “no”, so I thought I’d offer the male perspective since its getting put out in the open.
First of all, I’m sure I’m not the first to chuckle at the intense irony that you spend most of your life trying NOT to get anybody pregnant, and then after all precautions are thrown out the window, there’s no result. Health class made you feel like even looking at a girl wrong would get her pregnant. But alas, Bean and I made it! We did the right thing! We fell in love, got married, waited until we felt we were well suited to do what we’ve been engineering our lives to finally accomplish, STARTING. A. FAMILY.
Now that we’ve made it this far, I promise you that not having a baby unexpectedly wasn’t hard- pretty darn straightforward in fact. So enter part two: In light of our experiences to date, accidental pregnancies piss. me. off. “Whoops, guess we’ll get married.” How much does it suck to be envious of someone else’s mistake?
Then it gets slightly awkward. What’s missing? Why isn’t this working? Whose fault is it? Is it me? Welp, got to go get tested. Talk about an awkward experience. I’ve never paid $90 to do THAT before. Results look normal- Ok, so what’s next!?
I stay positive. I’m sure I talk about it more than Bean does. I have friends that I mention it to. They say positive things. Share their thoughts. Say things like “relax” and “don’t think about it”. I look at each month as a new opportunity. I reset the clock. I have faith that it’s going to happen. I know we’re not the only ones who have had issues. I know there still may be a long road ahead. I know people have struggled much longer than we have to date.
But it still sucks.
Bean mentioned social media. I talked to my mom the other night about that, and it’s certainly a game changer. It took my parents awhile to have me, but they didn’t have compact digital devices flooding their faces with pictures of their friends accomplishing the one thing they’d been focused on for over a year. That’s a new curve ball for our generation. It’s also a strenuous mental exercise to simultaneously be genuinely excited for friends while suppressing envy that you wish you didn’t have.
I guess when I take stock today, I keep thinking about that Einstein quote that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I don’t know what’s next, but we’ll keep hanging tough, get this thing figured out, and I know we’ll eventually get what we want.
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I appreciate hubby sharing his thoughts. This is an issue that doesn’t get talked about very often from a female perspective, and even less from a male perspective. I’m a pretty private person…and this isn’t something I would normally share, but I realize that I have a unique position as a blogger to reach more people than others do and sometimes that can be used for good.
So please know this, most importantly of all: If you are struggling as well, you are not alone. There are other people out there who understand what you’re going through. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. We’ll all get through it together.
Much love,
–Lindsay–
I’m in tears reading your story. Of course there are no words to say but know prayers are being prayed and, as you know, you’re not alone. Thank you for sharing and to your husband as well.
Hang in there!!! A ton of my coworkers struggled with pregnancy, but all managed to find their “miracle doctor” and now they all have children. So hang in there, don’t lose hope and know that there are people out there supporting you. And thank you for being brave enough to share this!!
Thanks jessica!!
Oh, Lindsay. It is always hard to know what to say. I wish the best for you and your husband.
Lindsay, i HATE that it isn’t happening for you. I firmly believe that it will. I appreciate the perspective you and your hubby are providing. It it something I struggled with when we found out we were pregnant. I know so many women who have had trouble and I asked myself…”why me?” what was I able to and she wasn’t? I want so badly for you to be a mom because you will rock it!
Sending all the good vibes and love and support that I can from the STL!
Thanks Katie. We appreciate it.
You are a brave & beautiful soul for sharing this personal experience. Wishing you all the best.
I hope sharing your story brings comfort to others. I think you’re brave for sharing your struggle. It can be scary to talk about these things, but that’s what’s so great about the Internet–we find people outside of our normal circles to share, learn from and identify with.
[WORDPRESS HASHCASH] The poster sent us ‘0 which is not a hashcash value.
Lindsay, hang in there. I know your pain. I know what it feels like when someone says, my husband just looks at me and I get pregnant. Or when all of your friends are getting pregnant and you aren’t. It is a very painful, psychological experience, that is difficult to fully understand unless you have been through it yourself. I have 2 kids from ivf. In the end god blessed me with a third which we conceived on our own. I went through multiple miscarriages, failed ivf cycles and the dreaded waiting that comes with all of that. Hang in there. It gets better. Never give up hope. Hugs!
Thanks Marybeth. Sorry to hear about your struggles, but glad it worked out for you!
I think it’s very brave of you to share this. There needs to be more honest posts like this out there.
Lindsay, rhank you so much for sharing this incredible perspective with us. You and your husband are so generous and brave to talk about this important, incredibly personal topic. I know there are so many reading this and receiving great strength from both of you. Sending you a huge hug. For what it’s worth, you will be in my prayers tonight! xo Erin
Thanks so much Erin. That means a lot.
Good on you both for sharing! This was beautifully written. Sad as I am to read it, I am glad you are getting your heart out there. Others need to read this.
Thanks friend!
Oh Lindsay. Thank you for sharing this and for your husband for sharing his thoughts. I know that it’s not easy at all to place yourself out there like this but I’m glad that you did. I hated when people would ask us when we were having kids or even now, if we’re going to have another, etc. I know that most people don’t mean any harm but it is none of their business. I’m sending lots of love. Hang in there. xo
Thanks so much for sharing! I’m lightyears away from starting a family but when I do it will be really helpful to know that its both a decision and a process. You don’t decide you’re ready and call up the stork. A lot of people don’t write about the process or how long they tried before it happened but hang in there I’m sure it’s always a process.
It’s definitely a process. I hope it works out quickly and smoothly when the time is right for you!
What a hard post to write. Thanks to both of you for having the courage to write it. I have seen many friends go through a similar experience and one friend have miscarriage after miscarriage but still not give up. My husband to be’s seven years younger than me sister now has three children from ‘mistakes’ and it breaks my heart when I see friends struggling through the pain of not conceiving when it just happened for her and I fear that as I won’t be trying until I’m in my thirties that I will have similar issues. Yet we are the ones that are going the ‘right way’ about it… Falling in love, getting married and being financially secure first.
I wish you both the best of luck. It will happen.
Thanks so much Mary!
Lindsay, thanks for sharing. I love the honesty and your willingness to open up.
Said elegantly and bravely. Many people don’t often realize that when they ask that social question what wounds they could be ripping open. I give you a ton of credit for being open about your struggle and your feelings.
I’m a parent but I was a woman of “advanced maternal age” (which was always fun to hear) and I can attest that unfortunately the stupid things people say don’t end with pregnancy either. I’m always astounded when people need to clarify whether or not they conceived with medical assistance or not in this day and age (among other things that people find necessary to say).
I wish you much luck in your quest to parenthood. Your candor and eloquence with this very delicate and emotionally frought subject is really admirable, Lindsay.
Thanks so much Melissa!
Always wishing couples the best on their journey in starting a family. Honestly? The First Lady took a little while to join our family. I’m not sure if you have tried the ovulation tests that they sell over the counter. Those can help give you some insight into when the “best” time is to… well, ya know. I’m sure your Dr. may have recommended it, but I’m going to mention it as I know it can help. Again, wishing you the best. I’m also wondering if you husband really calls you bean… or if that was just for the blog. Sorry, I can’t stay serious for that long… it’s my coping mechanism.
Thanks for the positive thoughts, friend!
I can only imagine how tough it was for you to write this all out- you’re an inspiration and continue to persevere- good things will no doubt be coming your way 🙂
Thank you, friend!
*hugs*
I am constantly in awe of people’s need to be “in the know” when it comes to reproduction. We were married almost 7 years before we decided we were ready to start trying, and it was seven years filled with incredibly personal questions about our family planning. What makes you think you get to comment/question the most personal and private parts of a couple’s life? I can’t even imagine that frustration, anger and invasion of privacy compounded by a struggle with infertility.
*hugs again*
Thanks Cassie. We appreciate it. Excited for you and your little blessing!
I feel like this post was written by my hubs and I 5 years ago. We went through the exact same thing. I remember being so upset by watching Teen Mom. Why could they get pregnant so easily and I couldn’t? It’s a hard journey and definitely something no one talks about. I was lucky enough to have a close friend who was going through the same thing. The whole “just relax and it will happen!” isn’t always the case. I’m thinking of you and your hubs and wishing you the best. You are not alone by any means!
Thank you Angela. We appreciate the kind thoughts.
Lindsay!! I can’t even imagine how you are feeling right now, but you are a strong girl and you have an amazing support system. Prayers are going your way! Thank you for your honesty and being so real with us.
Thanks so much Tara.
Lindsay….been considering writing a similar post. Having the same issue, something I knew would be the case long before I got married. I feel like infertility is so much more common than we ever knew when we were younger. THanks for pointing to Colleen’s post, I hadn’t seen it. I posted another, similar one yesterday on Facebook. Hey girl, you’ve got support and many of us know exactly how you feel. Thanks for sharing.
Thanks Ericka. Thinking of you as well. Just know that if you do post, you will see SO much support…and it does help. xo
The reason I look forward to reading your post are because they are genuine and sincere. Thank you and your husband for being who you are and entering my life everyday! I wish you both the best.
Thanks so much Sue!
Big hugs Lindsay and good for you both for sharing this. I can only imagine how tough it is to be immersed in social media in the midst of all this.
I know sooo many people who have struggled with this issue and honestly, seeing a dear friend go through it for years has made me more sensitive to it. I had my own struggles, although those were in the form of multiple miscarriages. All i can tell you, from personal experience and from watching my friends deal with infertility, is that you WILL get to the outcome you want, one way or another.
Thinking about you!
Thanks so much Amanda. I appreciate your positive thoughts.
I love you and I know this journey has been SO difficult. I also love that you’re staying positive and keeping hope and faith. You are going to be an exceptional mother when the time comes and whatever Baby Bean is your kiddo is going to have hit the lottery. It took my mom a LONG time to get me after my sister and I get to remind her everyday how I am her miracle 😉 Call you soon … XOXO
Thanks M. love you too.
I’m sorry you’re going through this Lindsay. We struggled to get pregnant with our first and I know it can not only be a frustrating process but painful. You are certainly blessed with a supportive partner!! Many prayers for you!!! Thank you for sharing this!
Thanks Nancy. I appreciate it!
you know i love you – you know i’m here for you. please let me know if you’d ever like to talk – like you said, it WILL happen – gotta keep the faith. itz most definitely not easy whatsoever – there are no easy answers. allow yourself to feel, allow yourself to feel sad…. and then try your best to surround yourself with those who love you and will help keep your mind off it as best as you can. lots and lots of love and support. xo
Thanks Linz xoxo
I haven’t shared all (will be giving an update soon) on my blog but know that we struggled soooo long with this and I cried more tears than I thought possible (because truly before our journey with infertility I wasn’t a crier)…we sought out both natural and medicinal help. Happy to answer any and ALL questions you might have. Know that prayer works…and I know one way or the other you will be a mom. Nothing anyone says seems to help and I know that…more than anything just having SOMEONE who lets you just vent and just gggrrrrr about the whole thing is so important….I know my hubby is my rock and he felt so helpless but he’s honestly so amazing….you have a great hubby….I KNOW YOU’LL MAKE IT!
Thanks so much Sarah. So sorry to hear about your struggles as well. Always here if you need me as well!
lindsay, i am so glad you posted this. You know, we can relate! and i’m already 30. But one day at time. You are on STRONG woman! You know i am always here. And you can vent to me. <3 <3 <3 YOU
p.s. My mom struggled for years. that’s why I am. Same issues. But now she has 4 kids. –> HOPE
I’m 30 too! Age is just a number, right? Lindsay..that’s what I keep telling myself anyway. Yes, we can hope bc God is good!
God is good Min. <3
xoxo, thanks friend!
I am sending you virtual hugs, Lindsay. I’m so sorry you struggle with this.
Thank you so much for sharing your story, Lindsay, and for your honesty and vulnerability. It is so heartfelt and so comforting to me, as my husband and I have been trying for 3 years now. I stopped running, avocado, nuts, and all the other healthy fats have been my diet, we have sex more than ever, my ultrasound and all the tests come out normal…what’s wrong?! As a control freak, I want to do what I can do on my end..and then I realize..there’s nothing I can do to make this work. But you know, this experience has def brought my husband (Tim) and I closer together. Not only that, I’m really learning to rely on my heavenly Father and letting me take control of the situation. This is still an ongoing struggle, but I’m starting to find peace in the midst of all this. We are also opened to adoption too.
But I know what you mean Mr. Bean. Accidental pregnancies…wow that’s like 50% of my friends. This one girl got pregnant when she was on a birth control pill! What?! Are you kidding me? I shall stop there..
I remember when my nephew was born almost 2 years ago (my sis wasn’t trying either), I was soo happy for her but at the same time, there was a part of me that was throbbing with pain. I don’t want to tell you that it gets easier, but I hope that you never lose help and just keep on smiling (you have a beautiful smile!) and do what you love to do! Thinking and praying for you guys!
Here’s a verse that I’ve been meditating on this week.
” My should finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will NEVER be shaken”
Psalm 62:1-2
such an encouraging entry, min! blessings to you and your husband on your journey. the Lord be with you!
Oh Min…so sorry to hear about your struggles as well. I’ll be keeping you guys in my thoughts and hopefully 2014 will be the year for both of us! much love xo
What an incredible inspiration you are. That is so very brave that you would reveal that to a social media world that really have nothing to do with your personal life. I admire you so much for this, and I know somehow this will workout for you. Good things happen to good people, you just do not know yet how that will occur. You are doing the right thing in trusting, and keeping that hope. You have so many people out there willing to support you, I know you will be okay. One strong woman (and a lovely husband).
I am 99% sure I will be joining you in this in a few years, and I hope I will be able to come to you with advice. My doctor said I am pretty much going to have to stop running completely if I have any chance, and even then it will take a while due to the stress I have put my body under in my years of training. I hope I will be able to come to you with advice.
Thanks for being the inspiration you are, in so many ways!
Of course, Tina. Anytime!
“How much does it suck to be envious of someone else’s mistake?” <– Your hubs is a profound writer.
You both are in my thoughts.
Thanks Erica. We appreciate it.
Thanks for sharing this.
Sending extra prayers and hugs your way.
I am SO glad you shared, Lindsay!! As both you and your husband mentioned, it’s not something many people talk about and I always found it really helped me to be honest about our struggles so the people around me could be more sensitive (with things like baby news- although there were still many people who didn’t “get it”)… but I really think it’s important to share because there are so many women who struggle and what’s the point of keeping it bottled up inside? We should all be able to support each other. I remember well all of the emotions you described. It was by far the hardest thing I’ve had to go through in my short (relatively easy) life so far. Each month is so heart breaking and it’s so hard to question your own body and why it’s not cooperating, especially when you are a healthy individual. I will continue to think of you and pray that answers will come and trust that progress is being made each month even though you can’t see it. I hope you can read these comments and have a really good therapeutic cry and know how many people love you!!
Thanks so much Laura. xo
Been there. Told my own story. It’s a long, hard road for the infertile, but I thank GOD DAILY that He is showing me the reason with our little miracle we’re in the process of adopting.
I get this. I’ve posted about infertility on my blog and it’s not easy, but it helps. No wise words from me, but I’m sending you lots of love. 🙂 Let me know if you ever need to chat.
Thanks Mo. I appreciate it.
Sending my love to you both and keeping you in my prayers! Xoxo
Thanks Britt! xo
I hate seeing blog posts like this. I can’t even imagine.
Sending lots of prayers and love your way lady!!!
Thanks Jaren. xo
I know this wasn’t easy for either of you to write, but I know that many people are able to relate to it, so thank you. I’m so sorry to hear that you guys are struggling with this, and I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts.
Thanks Sam.
Great post because the content is so important. I struggled to get pregnant as well and it’s a very difficult thing to go through. I wish you nothing but the best.
Lindsay, so sorry to hear of your struggles but thanks so much for sharing. You being YOU and real is what keeps me coming back to read your blog.
Stay strong and keep up the positive thoughts! 🙂
Thanks for the positive thoughts, Beth. I appreciate it!
I can only imagine how frustrating it is for both of you. I’ve seen people in my life struggle with the same issue, and I can see how much it hurts to not be able to create life as easily as others. I will keep you in my prayers ♥ I believe that it WILL happen one day.
Lots of love and prayers for you and your husband. Just know that I will be praying for you!!
I was diagnosed with stage IV endometriosis 9 years ago. After countless laparoscopies, it ultimately resulted in a hysterectomy last year at age 31. Everything was so ravaged inside by it. Nothing feels more rude and insensitive than being asked when we are having kids. People don’t understand that it isn’t an innocuous question. Best wishes to you and yours. It will all work out how it is meant to!
I’m so proud of you! I know you are helping so many women by posting about this. You already know, but I’m still prayin’ for ya 🙂
xoxox
Thanks, friend. xo
Thank you for opening up and sharing about such a personal subject, that shows courage. I can’t imagine what you are going through, but it sounds like you and your husband are handling it perfectly. Whenever you finally do have a child, that little boy or girl is going to be very lucky to have such wonderful parents. 🙂
Thanks Becky, that means a lot.
Great post. I think no one realizes how this feels until they are going through it. It’s important that you find peace, and I’m sure that’s much easier said than done. A close friend of mine has been trying for three years and is on her last attempt at medical intervention. If this doesn’t work, she will never have kids. My heart breaks for her. She is finally okay with the thought of adoption and at first said she would NEVER adopt. Just let your heart be open and know that it’s okay to cry. It’s okay to hurt. I’m thinking of you!
Thanks so much Kayla.
So much love to you, Lindsay. Thank you for your honest words.
I’m so sorry you’ve been struggling with this Lindsay. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be. I’m wishing you and your husband the best of luck. <3
So many of my friends have gone through and some are still going through this, so you’re right: you two are not alone. I really get disappointed when people constantly ask someone why they don’t have kids yet, or ask when it’s going to happen. It’s not anyone’s business but your own. You don’t know someone’s history, if something could be playing a factor in it not happening, or if the people just don’t want to have children. My best friend went through this, too. Thanks for sharing. I know this wasn’t easy to share. We’re all here for you, thinking of you and keeping positive thoughts <3
Thanks Aparna. We appreciate it.
Beautifuly written by both you and your husband. Hang in there and stay positive. Thank you for sharing your story, we don’t always think about every angle on every situation. You have so much love and support!
” Trust in the lord with ALL your heart and lean not on your own understanding.” Proverbs 3:5
I have to admit this post hits home. Me and my hubby have been together 14 years and have had numerous failed pregnancies and many years of trying. My thoughts are with you and your husband. It was very enlightening to hear his perspective. As he said, it is difficult to talk to even close friends about it. We have since made a kind of “peace” with our situation, but it has been difficult being happy at times for numerous family members and friends with “oops” pregnancies and even planned ones. My thoughts will be with you and your hubby and I look forward to many more posts from you.
Thanks so much Gwyn. Thinking of you guys as well.
Lindsay, Thank you so much for sharing girl. I know that took so much for you. As someone who hasn’t began trying for a baby yet, but knows it is in the near future, I am not going to lie and say I am not nervous because I am. Thank you for staying real with your readers and for reminding us all we are not alone in any of our experiences. 🙂
Thanks Jana. Hoping things go smoothly for you guys when you’re ready!
This is a really beautiful post! I will be praying for you and your family. You are so strong and I know it took a lot to write the post. Much love!
You’re so courageous for sharing your side of this issue, Lindsay. I applaud you for your openness. I wish you luck in starting a family and hope that the difficulties you’re experiencing ease up. I know you’d be a great mother! You’re so caring, genuine, and nurturing to everyone you interact with! A child would be lucky to have you as a parent! 🙂
THanks so much Kaila. That means a lot.
oh friend….I know we haven’t talked for a while, and we haven’t been trying for quite as long as you guys have now, but I can understand your feelings of frustration, disappointment, and longing….I’m working on healing a hormonal imbalance that’s preventing me from ovulating and it’s a tough path to be on – I feel so ‘stuck’ all the time…unfortunately, there are a lot of women/couples going through a similar situation and I’m so proud of you for sharing yours – you’re encouraging women to TALK about this and through that there’s hope. love ya!
Hugs to you, friend! Always here if you need me! xo
Kudos to you for being brave enough to share your story with the world. We often see everyone’s “highlight reel” on social media and through blogs, and I really appreciate when bloggers are transparent and aren’t afraid to admit when things just aren’t perfect. Keep up your amazing strength, Lindsay!
Thanks Athena!
I LOVE YOU GIRLIE!!! This post is so necessary. I wrote my post about this question. People mean well, but it can be hard, stressful, and hurtful when you get asked these questions all the time. It will work out the way it is supposed to, and when it is supposed to! HUGS!!
Thanks Krysten. Thinking of you guys as well. xo
Thanks for having the courage to share your story. I know how hard it can be as having a child wasn’t easy for my son’s Dad and I either. We ended up having our son through IVF and 2 years after first trying to get pregnant we finally were! I remember during the trying time, how difficult it was to see people getting pregnant or to have people ask questions about when we would have kids. It was already hard enough without all of that added on top. So hugs to you and your hubby. Btw I loved reading your hubby’s perspective as I don’t think I have ever seen a guy weigh in on this topic. I blogged about my son’s story if you are interested. http://www.theeverydaywarrior.com/2011/05/08/brennens-story-part-1/ and http://www.theeverydaywarrior.com/2011/05/19/brennens-story-part-2/
Thanks Betsy. I’ll definitely check it out!
Love and hugs. Thinking of you always.
know you’re not alone. there is a plan. now is the hard lesson of learning the delicate balance of contentment, but holding fast to hope. i see now it was a good primer for parenthood, but i’m sorry that you two are in it. nourish yourselves and breathe.
Thanks so much Gretchen.
HUGE hugs to you girl! I can definitely relate to your feelings, as I went through a period of infertility and wondering if I’d ever be able to get pregnant. Thank you for opening up and sharing. Prayers headed your way! xoxo
Thanks Ashley. I appreciate it!
Thanks for sharing your story, Lindsay…and how neat and honest to hear from your husband too. We haven’t started trying (yet!), but I never say we are GOING to have kids because you never know the road will be like… Thanks for your openness…Praying for patience and perspective (and for good news!) for you guys. 🙂
Thanks Bonnie! I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you as well and hoping everything goes well when the time is right for you guys!
Thank you for sharing…I’m sending you hugs and a lot of love.
THanks Katy. That means a lot!
I’m so sorry you have to go through all this pain for something that by nature is supposed to be simple. I can’t imagine how you’re feeling, but I admire you for putting it all out there. People definitely don’t know the harm they can cause by asking simple questions like “when are you going to have kids.” I get slightly annoyed when people ask when I’m going to get engaged/married, so I can’t even imagine how annoying it must be when people ask about something so personal as having children! I’m channeling all my energy and positive vibes to you! <3
Thanks Ashley. We appreciate it.
Thank you for this beautiful post. It’s raw, and honest, but so often I hear the same thing. A lot of women do. My heart hurts to hear this Lindsay, but I have faith! Sending you and hubby light and love on this journey.
thanks friend!
I just wanted to share this with you. I don’t know if it applies but…
It took my body 13 months to regulate itself and have my cycle return to normal after I stopped the pill. Since it freaked me out I even went to the doctor and got all my hormones tested. Those came back normal and my doctor really had no idea why I wasn’t getting my period regularly. I didn’t change anything and somehow my body fixed itself. I mean my doctor knew I went off the pill and didn’t even mention that it could just take a while…we were investigating PCOS even!
Wish you the best.
This is quite possibly the most beautiful post I have read. I love that your hubby put his own insight on the situation as well. I certainly think it can apply to anyone and in any situation. Thank you for opening up and sharing with the world…I know that in itself was not easy! You guys are in my prayers and I am certain that things will look up for you. HUGS!
Thanks for the positive thoughts, M. Means a lot!
What a wonderful post. I understand where you are coming from. My husband and I have been “trying” for almost three years now. We have been taken a year off of fertility treatments before IVF later this year. I know how you feel. Just know that you are not alone and I hope for peace for your situation.
Thanks Heather. Wishing you nothing but the best and hoping things work out for you soon!
Oh, Lindsay, my heart breaks for you and everyone else going through this. This post was exactly what many women need to hear, especially because so many of us have the same desires, and maybe don’t know where to turn when it happens to us. I am so blessed that you shared this with us, and I know it will make an impact on someone. I wish you nothing but the best in trying, and I will pray for you that it happens, soon. Keep your head high <3
Thanks so much Heather. xo
It sucks, for sure. It took over 3 years for me to get pregnant with my first son and that was hard. And then it took a while to get pregnant again with my second — and there were lots of heartbreaks during those periods. I will say, though, that the struggles are worth it. Hang in there!!
It does suck, but it will happen. I hated looking at pregnancy posts/looking at babies/watching all my friends get pregnant too – but it WILL be your turn. Hang in there!
Thanks for sharing your story, and your emotions. We too have been trying to get pregnant for way too long (2 years in a couple months). They can’t find anything wrong and it’s so frustrating. Each month comes with more heartbreak and stress. I commend your courage to share your experience. I have my own blog, but still haven’t posted anything about our struggles. This is something we’ve kept pretty private. Only our closest friends and family know and really only because they kept asking and asking when we were going to start a family. Hang in there and thanks for letting some of us know we’re not alone.
Oh Michele…you’re most definitely not alone. I’ll be thinking of you guys and hoping 2014 brings good things for both of us! I’m just an email away if you ever need to vent.
So much love and hugs to and the hubby. You’re brave for sharing this. And while “hang in there” isn’t really much of a help to you, it’s what I can offer. Hang in there while you work this out. Hang in there together, to make your relationship perhaps even stronger. Hang in there as a strong woman, who can affect her life and make it amazing. You’ll get there 🙂
Thanks for the kind words Christina. I appreciate it.
thank you for sharing your story! it’s something that i fear for my future as well… i send you my warmest & heart-filled prayers and love!
Stay strong girl. I have friends going through the same thing! It will happen, I believe it!
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I love honesty like this. I definitely think sharing your story can help others in the same situation. It’s important for you and others to know they’re not alone.
Thanks heather! I hope so!
I have most definitely been in your shoes and my heart hurts for you. It’s been 9 years and 3 miracle babies since I was given my “news” about my fertility. Thinking about the conversation I had with my Dr still makes my gut sink. We opted not share our struggles with anyone and looking back I realize that was just stupid. You need support. You need to be able to talk about it. You need shoulders to cry on. And most important you need people to be there to celebrate who really KNOW what you’ve been through. *Hugs*
Thanks so much Michelle for the positive thoughts. It means a lot.
Thank you for sharing your story! I cannot relate personally but can certainly understand the frustration you feel when people make comments that they don’t realize are so hurtful. Hang in there because it will happen for you and when it does, it’ll just be all the more special.
So much love and many positive thoughts coming your way! Thank you for this post, which I’m sure will help many more couples than you realize. Hopefully it will also stop a lot of people from asking *anyone* when they’re going to have kids, or why they don’t have kids. Big, big hugs.
Social Media can be a real pain and honestly, since the miscarriage and the six months of trying it has been extremely hard for me. I almost feel like it makes it more stressful and it makes us harder on ourselves. On top of it all there is literally nothing you can do. It’s great you have such an amazing support system, but if you ever need anything don’t hesitate to email me!
Thanks so much Kelly. Means a lot!
Thank you for sharing your story. I can only imagine the courage it took to do so. You’re right in saying this is a topic most people don’t talk about. Hang in there. It will get better. Sending you best wishes!
Thanks Dana
This is a really good post and I enjoyed seeing hubby’s perspective as well. I can totally understand, and unfortunately relate, to what you’re saying. Great job putting it into words.
First of all BIG hugs!!
Thank you so much for sharing this…it has been such a struggle for myself (and my husband) over the last 2 years. It is defiantly a struggle I would never wish upon anyone.
Every time the test says no, or someone asks me if I’m pregnant yet, or shares their news that THEY are preggo I feel that stab of pain in my heart. I am really happy for my friends, but that doesn’t take away from my own hurt.
Thank you for sharing this from both perspectives! Your words bring comfort!
Sending prayers that your time is soon! I know you will be amazing parents!!
Xo
So sorry to hear about your struggle as well. I’ll be thinking positive thoughts for you guys. Hopefully 2014 will be the year for both of us!
thank you for sharing, lindsay! it’s so hard to know what to say and there certainly are no guarantees… but i’m sure your honesty will help others. i wish you all the best.
Thanks for spreading awareness. All I can say is Hugs!!! <3
Thank you for sharing! I completely understand your struggle. My husband and I tried for over 4 years, even trying IVF once. After contemplating adoption, we decided to try donor sperm (my husband has low counts, motility). It was a hard choice to make-but now at almost 7 weeks pregnant, I can’t imagine any other road. I understand every high & low you are going through and hope that you’ll get your baby soon!
Thanks McKenzie! Glad things are working out for you guys!!
I’m so proud of you for sharing your story on this tough and emotional topic. It breaks my heart that so many people I know are struggling through this and I know you will bless someone by sharing what you have. I don’t know that I want kids, but I have thought that by waiting so long, if I do decide I do, what happens if it takes years to work out. I have to trust that in the end things will work out the way they should, but things like this do float into my head ocassionally. *Hugs* my friend!
Thanks Heather. I’ll be thinking positive thoughts that things work out well for you, whichever direction you choose. xo
I’m so sorry you are going through this. Everything you wrote above rang so true to me. We struggled for years trying to get pregnant. It’s always so tough to share the struggles and your thoughts & feelings. Baby showers were an absolute thing of torture I ended up having to avoid on occasion. I’m keeping absolutely everything crossed that you can work through this and get the end result that you want! It was 3 years from the time we started trying and I finally had my twin girls. They are now 13, and I realize what miracles they are every day. Hang in there & stay healthy and positive. Sending you all the best…
Thanks Deb. Sorry to hear about your struggles, but glad it worked out for you!!!
Hugs to you as you and your husband travel on this journey!
I love this and love that you included hubby’s perspective too!! You are pretty awesome for sharing this– but I already knew that! I am currently planning my wedding -at the age of 31- and am terrified of what might occur when we start on the pregnancy journey!
Thinking good thoughts for you Brittany and hoping it will work out quickly when you’re ready.
Wow, I’m so, so sorry you’re having to struggle. Thank you for sharing your journey so that so many people will feel less alone in theirs. <3
((hugs)). After dealing with almost five years of infertility and just going through our first IVF, which was unsuccessful, it sucks.
I feel your pain. I hate when people tell me just to relax or change jobs b/c then it will “magically” happen. I know people mean well but really, it stings.
Oh Amy…So sorry to hear you’re struggling too. I’l be thinking positive thoughts for you guys!
Thank you for sharing this scary and confusing moment in your life….I’ll be thinking positive thoughts for you & your hubby & know it will happen for you one day! Candid honesty over a sometimes taboo topic is always a welcome read in the blogosphere!!
Thanks so much Chelsey!
Lindsay,
First of all, thank you for sharing your story. It means a lot to me.
I tried skimming through people’s comments to see if they mentioned this, and you may have already sought help this way, but I saw a naturopathic doctor specializing in women’s health and found the experience to be enlightening as well as effective.
I just thought I might share something valuable to me. And it might even become valuable to you. “We’ll all get through it together”.
Thanks for the tip Christine!!
You are NOT alone. You now see that…be strong. I also struggled through this and now have a family of three. Do not give up. You will be successful – just takes way way way way more time, patience and perseverance than you ever thought you had. I could go on…but you have many other comments coming your way 🙂
You are beautiful and this is beautifully written. I wish I had wonderful words of advice and encouragement but like you said, its not easy but with time and faith things will work out. I love hearing both your point of view and your hubs, it is truly refreshing and healing.
I am so sure you have helped heal many a broken or sad heart and hopefully helped your own on the way.
*hugs*
Thanks so much Allison!
Lindsay, I appreciate your honesty and openness. You’re not alone in your feelings. We’re not trying yet, but its not because we don’t want to. We just aren’t in a place where we can and that hurts just as much as not being able to get pregnant. Working from 5am until 9pm without a release in site makes life hard.. I love seeing everyone announce their pregnancies but it hurts. It hurts that I want a family but we’re not able to even try. When we do start finally trying what will be the outcome? Will we then spend years trying?
Who knows. But know that you have support and prayers.
Thanks, friend! Stay positive. I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you guys and hoping it works out quickly for you when the time is right.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, Lindsay. I am so glad you are opening up about it, though, and I hope you don’t feel alone. As more women share their stories, it’s apparent how much more common it is than previously believed.
I just know in my heart that you will have a happy ending and wish you peace as your journey unfolds. Lots of love! <3
As a fellow mom-in-waiting, I high five you for this post and then give you a big hug all while crying with you. Such a brave post and I loved your husband’s perspective as they go through it too and it’s so interesting to see their views on the topic as sometimes it does feel like it’s just us girls going through it. Feeling the way we do is 100% normal and OK! It’s a shame that we have to hesitate to write the way we are feeling and feel guilty for feeling that way, having to add disclaimers to our loved ones and tip toe around our honesty. After 2 years of hoping for our baby, it’s amazing to look back and see how much personal growth i’ve gained and that maybe someday it’ll all make sense as i hold my baby in my arms. Thinking of you lots and praying for strength and patience. <3
OH Mallory. Thank you so much…and thinking about you as well. Hopefully 2014 will be the year for both of us. I’m always just an email away if you need to vent!
Amazing post Lindsay. Thank you for your honesty and rawness. We are going to head down this path later this summer, and I really appreciated hearing about your experience. I know your words will be comforting and helpful to many. Thinking of you! xoxo
I have been in your shoes and it is so hard. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I had a hard time getting pregnant with my first and I had 2 miscarriages in the process. It’s deeply painful to be asked when you’re going to have kids when you’re trying so hard. I’m glad you opened up because it’s a topic that is not discussed openly often. I’m glad your husband opened up too because people don’t always realize how hard it is on them too. Hang in there.
Oh Kristen, so sorry to hear about your struggles as well. Thanks for the positive thoughts.
HUGS! I’ve been there and I know your frustration and pain! Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you!
Lindsay,
Thank you for honest post. It was incredibly moving eye opener. We truly do forget that it’s not easy for everyone. It’s always hard to know what to say. Regardless, huge hugs to you and your husband, and many well wishes and prayers for you both!
Lindsay, I dont even know what to tell you guys because you dont know the feeling unless your are in that situation. I am thinking of you and sending you big hugs. Your post is going to comfort so many couples trying to get pregnant..this is ridiculously generous of you both to open up and share because we dont see too many vulnerable and honest post on such personal topic but its a struggle a lot of couples go through. Ok I am going to stop now. Lots of love.
Thanks so much Dixya! I hope so.
This post is wonderful. I always cringe when I hear people asking ‘when are you going to have kids?” Because you have NO idea what that person is going through. As someone who just got married in October, I’m already getting that question MORE often then not, and I’m running out of excuses, reasons, and starting to think ‘yo it’s just none of your buisness!’ Keep that positive spirit and thank again for posting such a wonderful post.
Thanks Fiona!
You are so brave for being open about this. I share your pain…my husband and I have been trying since May 2013, and no luck yet. So frustrating, emotionally draining, and just plain “sucky” at times. I will be praying for you!
Hang in there Amber. I know how you feel. Will be thinking positive thoughts for you guys!
Thank you for sharing your story. I feel connected to you in that we share the same struggle. My husband and I have been trying for over a year and a half and it’s hard to stay strong and positive. But knowing I’m not alone helps so much. Thank you again for being brave. Sending you love.
Oh Brynn. So sorry to hear you’re struggling as well. Thinking positive thoughts for you guys. Feel free to email me anytime if you need to vent! xo
I hear and understand you COMPLETELY. You write the truth and we as women decide for some reason we should hide the difficulty instead of supporting each other. It took us almost a year and half and every emotion you mention I still remember as vividly as it was yesterday.
Just sending you support and an email to vent to 🙂
Thank you so much Janet. I appreciate it.
Thank you for sharing Lindsay. Sharing about such an intimate topic is really difficult but know that so many of us are thankful for your vulnerability. Will be praying for you and your husband during this time.
On somewhat of a related note – I have actually been meaning to message/email you about nutrition and fertility. I have been wanting to see a nutritionist about my struggles in this department and immediately thought of you. Be on the look out for an email from me.
Very well-written and explained. I am so sorry to hear of your struggles to conceive and I will put you and your husband in my prayers. -Maren
My hubby and I are struggling with this right now, too. We haven’t told anyone because, like you said, it isn’t anyone’s business. But it makes every month that goes by with no result that much more difficult, too. I’ll keep you in my thoughts!
Sorry to hear you’re struggling as well, Katie. Thinking good thoughts for you guys!
Love your perspective, loved your husband’s perspective, and quite possibly, my favorite post I’ve ever read from you. I am so sorry for your struggle and wish it were easier for you – but think you’re writing this will help not one, but many, who are probably also struggling with this. XOXO and much love to you both.
Thanks Jolene! I hope so!
Lindsay-
Thank you for sharing your story. There are so many people who struggle with pregnancy and even more unaware people in society who don’t think about that. and how what they say may effect others. Good for you for staying positive in such an emotional battle. Sucks that you have to experience it, but I know by sharing your story-you made someone else’s day a little brighter. Hang in there! xoxo
Thanks Lisa!
Let it out woman! Thank you for opening up and sharing this with all of us! That takes a lot of strength and I think this is so well written and straight from the heart. I love that your husband shared his feelings too. This community is here for you!
Lindsay,
You are so awesome to share your story. So brave. I don’t want to say the cliche thing of “Oh, it will happen when it’s meant to be” because, when you in the struggle, it is one of the last things you want to hear about something you want so much. Just know that you are not alone.
My husband had cancer prior to our marriage. We cannot conceive children naturally. We had to do IVF and had a one shot deal. We were thankfully blessed with twins-a boy and a girl-who will be six on Friday. But, now, when I am wanting to be pregnant again, I know it’s not a possibility for us to have another child that is biologically ours…it’s not like we could even try. So now we wonder–do we adopt? Do we use donor sperm? I have had ammenorrhea for three years so I don’t even know if I am even fertile anymore. Seeing everyone else pregnant and having babies does hurt. It makes does make you wonder why you are in this situation while it’s so easy for some. Just know that the struggle is what makes your character and that when it does happen you will view that child as such an unbelievable blessing and they will never know just how much they are loved!
I will be praying for you. You are so blessed to have a husband beside you that is so supportive. I know I could not have gone through everything we have without mine. Keep your heart and your head up. You are strong girl!
Thanks so much Ashley. We appreciate the prayers and positive thoughts. Hugs to you as well.
I agree that people don’t mean the question to be hurtful, but even for those of us who aren’t sure about kids…it’s uncomfortable and I don’t really think it’s their business.
Your husband expresses himself really well!!! Kudos to both of you for being each others rock and I know in sharing you’ll find how very unalone you are.
Thanks Amanda. It’s true. The support has been overwhelming.
Thank you for sharing. Too often this goes unshared and becomes sort of taboo.
It is so very hard to not be able to do something that comes so easily or accidently to others and that in itself is terrible frustrating.
Infertility can destroy you if you aren’t mindful of it. It is so painful to want something so badly and not know whether you will ever experience it.
Seeing pregnant women and babies is a constant reminder of what we want and it is hard to have it in your face mainly through Facebook and Instagram day after day.
You and your hubby are so brave to put this all out there. The dreaded “when are you having kids?” question is such an annoyance to me. I have been learning more about meditation recently and one thing that’s really sticking with me is ‘be kind to everybody’. I’m releasing jealousy and breathing in hope, I send you love!!
i love that motto, Meg. Hope is so important and there is nothing to gain from jealousy! hugs to you!
good on you for publishing this! it’s SO a real problem that many many many (including myself) can relate to. i really hate it when people ask when/if kids are coming.. or even worse, the asshole move of asking “why in the world don’t you have kids?!” love you, linds!
love you too, friend! thinking good thoughts for you guys as well!
So beautifully said and brought light to a different aspect of having children. Thank you so much for posting about this; I know that your courage and strength to press “publish” will help others to know they are not alone and gives you and your husband more people to think of you during this time.
Thanks Kelsey! I hope so!
My heart is breaking for you. I have so much empathy. I was able to get pregnant but not able to keep them. After 6 miscarriages, I had almost lost hope. I admire how strong and vulnerable you’ve been and am inspired by your ability to keep going, despite the pain. With tears of compassion in my eyes, I am on my knees praying for you the two of you. May God grant you the strength to carry on through these dark times, and give you the strength to get one step closer to meeting your child.
Thanks Lisa. We appreciate it.
Sending hugs and prayers your way, Lindsay.
One of my best friends went through a similar situation. Everything tested normal yet it just wasn’t happening. Luckily, IUI worked for her and today she has two healthy kiddos. I hope you get some good news soon.
Hugs to you guys and thanks for posting. It has made me more mindful of what I say as a parent, and also grateful for my blessings. I am sure you are now getting advice out the wazoo, but “preseed” lubricant helped us. You can get it at target or online. Also, if you can think of it as a way to try new things and spice it up in the bedroom that may help take the focus off baby-making. Pretend your goal is to have lots of fun times together in (and out of) the bedroom 🙂 Easier said than done i know. Sorry if I am out of line with that. GL and lots of baby dust your way!
Thanks so much for the suggestions, Meg!
Thanks for sharing this post. I got anxious reading your post. The Mister and I have struggled in this area of our lives too. We’ve been trying for almost 5 years. I can sympathize with every emotion and thought you shared. I know that God has a plan, He is good and that’s what keeps me afloat:)
Thinking good thoughts for you as well Leslie!
First of all, beautifully written by both you and your husband. And second of all, my heart goes out to you. My sister too struggled to get pregnant and now has two beautiful little girls who light the lives of my whole family – so don’t give up hope! I think it was so brave of you to share this and let people into the other side and I completely agree about the whole social media thing…it definitely adds a whole other level of complication.
Sending prayers and thoughts to both of you!
Thanks so much Cait!
Thank you for sharing this, Lindsay. I’m sad to hear you’re struggling, but you and your husband’s thoughts are priceless to people who need to hear them.
I honestly dread trying to having children for the reason that it doesn’t happen in our timing, but, what I believe is God’s timing. And we don’t always know when that is. I never thought about the influence of social media, but I can see how very damaging it can be to be inundating with that day after day. It’s definitely a new cultural issue we have going on now.
I’ll be praying for you guys.
Oh Melissa! Please don’t dread it! Like you say, it’ll work out when it’s supposed to for both of us. xo
Thanks for writing this! I have a wonderful 3 yr old daughter, but for the past 2.5 yrs we’ve been struggling to get pregnant with #2. We have no IVF/ART insurance coverage, so we’re limited by funds and what my OB/GYN can do with clomid – which hasn’t been much. It’s unexplained in our case too.
Your husband is right, the accidental pregnancies are hard. I had to chuckle at his observation that health class makes it sound like all you have to do is look at a girl to get her pregnant…
So sorry to hear you’re struggling as well Emily. I’ll be thinking of you guys and wishing you all the best!
You guys are so so very brave to talk about this!!! We found ourselves to be in the same sort of place. Not working, nothing technically wrong…etc. I encourage you to stay strong and happy and moving forward. And, I will share with you…perhaps it’s not so much about God’s timing as His plan for you both and the sweet little soul that is absolutely coming to you. I am sitting here with my Little Man (now six and playing Minecraft!), who was born on our anniversary, (what?!) and we adopted. He is the joy and light of our lives and makes our little family perfect and complete. I’ve loved reading your blog and learning about being more healthy. I hope I can repay a tiny bit of what I have learned from you and give you lots of hope!!! 🙂
Thank you so much for your positive thoughts, Karen. It means a lot! Sorry to hear about your struggles as well, but glad things worked out for you!
Thanks for sharing your journey. I have a family member who has struggled for years and I can’t imagine what it’s like to go through this. Sending you hugs and support!
Thanks Kim. Means a lot!
People often don’t think about what they say before they say it — what the implications of an innocent comment can have on somebody. I get a lot of “When are you going to be married?” which isn’t quite the same as “When are you going to have a baby” but sometimes hits a nerve.
I was told when I was 18 that I may never be able to have children and the longer I wait the more unlikely it is I will be able to be pregnant. This gets to me, because I don’t feel like I’m ready to have a baby yet, but the longer I wait the longer it may take.
You have every right to feel the way you do — and I hope so much that you get everything you want when the time is right.
<3
Thanks Amalia. I’ll be thinking positive thoughts for you as well. Hope everything works out just the way you want.
So sorry you’re going through this. I feel I will have the same problems when we start trying. Just have faith and it will happen eventually…..I know it will. In the meantime don’t let it bring you down too much and keep staying positive.
Thanks Andrea. You stay positive as well! You never know, it might be super easy for you guys when you’re ready!
Thanks for sharing this story–it’s so true. My sister is going through a similar situation, and my heart breaks for her and for you too. Sending you lots of fertility vibes!
Thanks Jessica!
Sending you lots of love and prayers. When we decided to start trying we never told anyone because I was so scared that it wouldn’t happen, then when we got pregnant right away I felt guilty because it was so easy for us. It’s such an emotionally charged issue, so thanks for being open and honest, we need more of it.
You definitely don’t need to feel guilty. It’s different for everyone! Excited for you and your little one!
I dont have much to say besides…. *HUGS*.
I watched the toll that fertility issues took on my sister, I know each person is different and circumstances are never the same. But, I’m glad you have a wonderfully supportive hubby, I wish you 2 nothing but the best.
Thanks for the support Laura.
Oh Lindsay – it was really brave of you to share this with the world but I hope you are already getting some solace in the comments and know that you are not alone. And I really loved hearing the hubs side of the story too (and admit I had a good giggle over the “I never paid $90 to do THAT before.”) Glad you have a strong, loving partner to work through this together. You will get there.
haha…he made himself laugh with that one as well 🙂
Sending love and happy thoughts your way. <3
This blog post was sent to me by a friend – my husband and I are in our 8th month of trying for a baby. Thank you so much for this – you’ve said everything I’m feeling and more. Sometimes it’s just really, really awful and emotional, especially considering there are 2 new babies in our extended family and lots of “so, when are you going to pop out a cousin/grandkid?” questions. Shut up, family.
And it’s such a “silent” issue – nobody talks about it!!! Nobody talks about not getting pregnant. I feel so alone all the time, and social media makes it seem like women everywhere are falling on penises and getting pregnant… except for me.
So many, many thanks for this super honest post. There’s really nothing anybody can say to make it better, but maybe if we all start TALKING about it we wouldn’t feel so alone.
Oh Beth, I’m so sorry to hear you’re struggling as well. I know exactly what you mean and I hate that we all feel so alone. And you’re right. Talking about it is key, I think! Here if you ever want to chat!! Feel free to email me anytime.
I’m so sorry to hear about your struggles and I cannot imagine how exhausting, frustrating and heartbreaking it must be. Sometimes it takes a lot of courage and strength to open up about these things, but if I’ve learned anything in my own life, it’s that keeping inside can be just as difficult. I hope the community surrounding you tonight helps lift your spirits and gives you peace as you continue on your journey. Best wishes to you and your husband!
I agree. I’ve received such support from the community and it truly helps to know people are thinking good thoughts for you.
You are so brave and genuine, Lindsay. <3
Big hugs.
Thanks Kelly.
So glad you posted this and I’m wishing you all my love and best. As someone who went through menopause at 26 because of a lifetime eating disorder, even though I’m single, I know what it’s like to get the question from others. I realize it isn’t the same and must be so much harder for a couple who is honestly trying and who would make great parents. Yet I do know what it’s like to not have it so easy when it comes to this issue.
Loved hearing your husband’s take! Tell him he’s a great writer!
Best wishes to you!!!
Incredible, incredible post, full of so many insights that NO ONE on the outside of this struggle could Ever understand, but that everyone should stop and appreciate. From your hubby’s POV, too. Thanks for sharing and I am rooting for you! Great moms are needed and you’ll be one. You will.
Thank you so much Cindy.
Thank you so much for your post. I know very well what this is like. My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for over a year. It is so disappointing every month to find out that I’m not. I do hear that question a lot and it hurts. I always thought when we started trying that it would only take a couple of months. But no such luck. Thank you for sharing your story. It helps to know I am not alone.
So sorry to hear you’re struggling as well, Cynthia. I’ll be thinking good thoughts for you guys!
My husband and I tried for over a year about a year ago. We finally decided it must not be in the books for us and we stopped with the shots and hormones. He has since had a vasectomy and we’re living the high life. 🙂
Colin is not his biological son, but they’re more father/son than his biological dad is so we’re satisfied with our situation.
Hang in there. More people go through this than you know – and you’re very brave for putting it out there. **hugs**
Thanks Heather. Sorry to hear about your struggles as well. xo
Lindsay we wish we could give you a big hug!! Thank you for sharing this…and yes never lose hope!! So many ladies are struggling to get pregnant! Everything will work out 😉
Thanks ladies. Hugs for all 🙂 xo
I love this brave and honest piece, Lindsay. I hope things work out for you both soon!
Today is the first day I read your blog and I have to say this blog post will have me coming back. I teared up a little reading this. It reminded me that we all have our struggles and that you never know what someone is dealing with. I have not even thought about having kids yet so I really have no valuable information for you but I want you to know my heart is with you and your husband. God has a plan, trust it, especially when it seems like the hardest thing to do! xoxo hayley
Thank you so much Hayley. That means so much!
I am so behind in reading.. HUGE HUGS!!!!! All I could think of was Itz & the choices she made to get pregnant.. staying away from exercise & other things that helped her.. I am not saying anything for you to do but I so am just sending HUGS & whatever you choose to do for you – that is all that matters….
Lindsey (And Mr. Bean),
Beautifully written post–I really admire your honesty and your willingness to share your struggle. You are both in our prayers.
Pregnancy is such a hard topic. My husband and I have been married two and half years and we constantly get THE question. This summer, I even had people congratulate me on being pregnant (while I was training for a marathon, no less)… nope! It’s really hard because I am at the opposite end of the spectrum… I am NOT ready for children and people make me feel guilty for that… like there is something wrong with me! So, although we are most definitely not going through the same thing, I relate to getting the question and having it sting, having it make you feel like there is something wrong with you and it making you question yourself. Just know that it’s not true, you are such an inspiration and God has a reason for everything, even if we don’t know what it is yet (Jeremiah 29:11). Stay strong and know that people are praying for you both.
Thank you so much, Noelle. Don’t let people feel guilty bc you’re not ready for kids yet. There’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with that! Follow your heart!
Lindsey, I don’t think there is anything I can say in your comments that hasn’t already been said. I just wanted to say thank you for being so honest and open about a subject that is so secretive and closed. After reading through all of the comments, I have to wonder… what is the common denominator? If more women experience difficulty than not, then what is the factor that we all have in common?
Praying and thinking of you & Mr. Bean. 🙂
I wonder that as well! Got your email. Will write soon 🙂 xo
Just wanted to say a quick thanks for being brave enough to write about this. After 3 years and a failed IVF, my husband and I have come to the conclusion that it doesn’t look like having children will be happening for us. It is hard for other people to understand the feelings we go through without ever being there so the more it is talked about, the more people can understand. And also by talking about it, those who are going through it can also know how normal these kinds of feelings are.
I wish you all the best and really hope that things will work out for you guys – and soon!
Thank you Heather. So sorry to hear about your struggles. Much love. xo
Sending you love and prayers. Eventually you and hubby are going to make wonderful parents . Somehow the Universe knows what we need and when we need it. Stay positive.
Lindsay, I’m trying so hard not to weep at my desk right now.
I’m so sorry you guys are having so much trouble conceiving. I wish you both all the best, and I pray that you will be blessed with the child you so greatly desire very soon.
Thanks so much Chelsea
It is frustrating when you get asked that question and people don’t realize what you are really going through. We’ve gone through it too but once we did start talking to some people about our struggles I was surprised to hear about so many others that went through it too – so why don’t we talk about it?! After years of trying and many different ways of trying we were successful and now have a wonder 2 year old boy. We’ve also been trying for the past year for another one and seem to be having even more complications this time which again makes it frustrating when we get asked “So, when are you having another?”
oh Erika, so sorry to hear you’re struggling as well. Thinking positive thoughts for you guys!
Linds… I’m in tears for you right now. I know this road. I know it well… it well, SUCKS. I pray for you all daily. I pray that one day soon I get to hear your good news. Know I’m always here…. it doesn’t get talked about much, but know you can always talk to me!
Thanks Britt. Thinking good thoughts for you guys on your adoption journey!
Lindsay, You are so brave putting this out there! You’re lovely hubby is right. It does totally suck. Being 33 and married without kids I know all too well how often the ‘when are you guys going to have kids’ question comes up. And thats A LOT. Many of our friends already have children but actually a surprising number of them have been through exactly what you are going through and it’s bloody tough. I have seen the pain that this simple question can cause, even though people mean no harm. You’re definitely not alone and I am so sure things will work out for you both, even if it takes a little more time than you had originally thought. We made the decision to put off trying to have children so we could take this career break and live abroad. It’s something that a few of our friends who have struggled to have kids (understandably) have openly advised against, so it’s always been at the back of my mind that this is something we will struggle with also when the time comes. I can’t imagine how it feels obviously, but it’s something Jim and I have discussed at length between ourselves, talking about options if it doesn’t happen etc. Thank you for sharing. Thinking about you both H xx
Thanks so much Helen. I’ll be thinking positive thoughts for you guys when the time is right for you!
Wow. This was such a well written post! I wish the best to you and your husband!
I know, like most people. that saying “I’m sorry” is so inadequate in this situation, but, nevertheless, I truly mean those words. I can’t even begin to imagine the struggle that your facing. Please know that there are prayers being said for you and much love being sent your way.
Also, thank you for sharing your husband’s side of this journey. I found that incredibly interesting and enlightening.
Thank you Natalie. We appreciate it.
SO well said! I agree with everything. My husband and I just got married in September…and I had to have a hysterectomy in November. There’s plenty of people who don’t know, so naturally they always ask when we’re going to start. Um, sorry, that ship has been sunk. We weren’t sure we would ever WANT to try, and we’re OK knowing in the future if we want to parent, we can adopt, but that doesn’t mean knowing I’m sterile now doesn’t sting. You guys are going to make such fantastic parents. I just know it.
Thanks Laura. So sorry to hear about your struggles as well. xo
I’m so, so sorry you’re dealing with this. Thank you for sharing it with us. As painful as this topic is, I’m so glad women like you are empowering others to open up about something that so many of us (myself included) have secretly dealt with. HUGE hugs!
Hugs to you as well, Kim!
Lindsay,
This is my first time commenting on your blog. This is such a personal and heartfelt post and my soul aches for you and your husband during this struggle. I can’t imagine how frustrating it is that after years of trying to NOT get pregnant, what’s supposed to be a natural part of life just isn’t happening easily for you. I know that you’re trying everything possible and all I can say is I bet a positive attitude, like the one you’re exhibiting, will help. Good luck to you and I’m so happy I came across your blog!
Thanks so much Lauren, and thanks for reading!
This thoughtful and well-written post brought back memories of my many years struggling with infertility. I vividly remember all the awkward questions and hearing friends say things like “ugh, I’m pregnant again, we really wanted to wait another year before our next baby.” I’d like to say you’ll look back and forget about all the pain but that isn’t really true. It will always be a part of your story. I’m lucky enough to now have two daughters (one adopted) but thinking about my struggle with infertility still can bring tears to my eyes. Hang in there.
So sorry to hear you struggled as well Janice. Thanks for the kind thoughts.
Lindsay, I am truly touched by your bravery in this post. I, too, have struggled with infertility. In fact this January we decided, after two long years, enough was enough. For us, it was time to let go and let God. No more watching the calendar, using ovulation kits, taking fertility, and forcing the process, it just become too much. Everyone has a threshold and we hit ours. I commend you for not giving up and for reaching out to people for support. You sure have, a lot! I will keep you in my prayers and who knows, maybe 2014 will be our year! 🙂
Thanks Jacinta! Wishing all the best for you this year as well.
Lindsay,
I am so sorry that you and your husband are having a tough time TTC. I feel as though I could have written it myself several months ago. It took us 11 months to conceive including a miscarriage in the second month of trying. I remember reading online how fertility is higher in the three and six months following a miscarriage and if one didn’t get pregnant in that time they weren’t likely to get pregnant at all. Well three months passed, then six, then nine and nothing. We even tried a round of post ovulation progesterone supplements to see if lengthening my borderline short literal phase (10 days) would do anything. Not only did the progesterone not help us TTC but it also sent me into a terrible depression that nearly caused me to lose my job. After that if knew that most other fertility treatments options (like Ivf) wouldn’t be available to me because I couldn’t tolerate progesterone. I was basically resigned to begin finding a adoption agency and starting the long process because I didn’t want to get my hopes up and be disappointed. My husband wasn’t ready so we agreed that I would try acupuncture for a few months first. In the end we were randomly blessed with a successful cycle in August and are fortunate enough to be 25 weeks along with a healthy little girl today. I honestly have NO idea what made the difference for us. It is true that I was doing my best to simply enjoy life and focus on other things but I was also really stressed at work so really who knows. My husbands twin and his wide tried for three years naturally before conceiving a month after us. So even if it takes a while there IS hope. If there is a time when you all feel like you want to try different avenues then do what feels best for you. Just know that you WILL have a family, it may not happen when you originally planned or in the way you had always imagined but it will and in then end it will be perfect.
So sorry to hear about your struggles as well! But happy to hear about your success! Congrats!
So much love for this post. Thank you for being transparent and sharing (both) your hearts. While there are no words that can change the present, I hope you are feeling the love, prayers, and support. <3
You are so brave! I am so sorry that you are experiencing this. It makes my heart truly hurt. However, I have hope & believe that you WILL have that baby. Without hope we can drive ourselves to despair, so I always try to choose hope.
Linz’s experience just reminds me that there is always a hope, and there can always be a belief. I know you will get what you want!
p.s. random side note: your husband is a good writer!
!!
Thanks so much Annette. Hope is definitely the key I think.
This hits home. Perhaps I will share my feelings on my blog. When people ask me “when are you guys going to have babies” I want to punch them and tell them that that question is rude and yes, you are right, it is none of their business. Thank you for sharing.
It was definitely therapeutic to share on the blog, even though it was scary! Wishing you the best!
Hi!! I can soooo so much relate to that!! We’ve been together 11 years before we got married, that was the first topic we got lots of questions about… “when will you get married?” nearly drove us crazy and we nearly didn’t get married at all, just to show them that you don’t HAVE to!!
We already started trying to conceive before getting married. Nobody really knew, and as we were not married yet nobody really asked. But as soon as we’ve been married – boom, everyone asked when we’ll have kids! We already tried for more than a year then and the questions were slightly unpleasant – but I still had so much hope! But I had lots of stomach pain and turned out I had to get surgery (endometriosis and a polyp in my uterus, and some myomas). So I had surgery half a year later and they told us now it would be the best time to conceive, everything looked good. Month after month came by and still no baby… in the meantime lots of our close friends got pregnant and I felt like a failure as a woman, not being able to give my husband a child.
I finally took some time off work for myself (I was diagnosed burnout too) and really concentrated on myself. I changed doctor (again) and I still can’t believe it but now I’m pregnant in the 16 week!! We tried about 3 years. I’ve heard a lot about others having difficulties, but if you experience it yourself you realize how hard it really is!
Long story short: I wish you all the best, you two sound like really nice people and it sounds like this thing bonds you even more. There is hope and you’ll get your chance to be parents – and you’ll appreciate it even more than others, for whom it has been easy! Hugs from the other side of the world,
Ulli
Thank you so much Ulli, and congrats to you on your little blessing!
I’m saddened to hear your’e having a tough time, and appreciate your noting to people in general that seemingly harmless questions may actually cause distress. Never looked at it that way, and will definitely keep that in mind for the future.
Thank you for your honesty. Thinking of you and your husband, wishing you the best to come!
Thanks so much Meredith. It wasn’t something I ever even considered/looked at this way until I started dealing with it myself so I think it’s a very honest mistake for a lot of people.
Thank you for talking so candidly about what I felt when I was going through infertility treatment. Thankfully, it seems to have worked out because I am 13 weeks pregnant – however, infertility taught me that this is all so fragile, so I still don’t feel like I can celebrate yet. However, when I was going to appointment after appointment, I felt all those emotions you expressed, and it is no fun to say the least. Hang in there. Thank you for shedding light on a topic that gets buried all too often.
I’m so happy for you Meg! Congratulations on your little blessing!
Oh, my goodness. This was so beautiful, so heartbreaking. And yet so hopeful. And so incredibly brave. Thank you for sharing your story and your struggles. SO many people are struggling with this right now, and it’s so easy to ask “why me?” So easy to get caught up in your own thoughts and buried in your own sadness. I experienced this to a lesser degree, but those months were still so incredibly frustrating. Nothing could bring me to tears more than getting my period then! Anyway, getting this out will only help other women, other couples. And bless you, I KNOW if. Prayers and hugs xo
Thanks so much, Brooke! I hope so!
Thanks so much for writing this. My blog, unexpectedly, has been much of our infertility struggles, including 2 miscarriages this year. It’s all so hard. And you are right…people don’t really talk about it, which is part of why I started writing about it. Thankfully, I’ve connected with a great group of women via blog who are in the same boat and it has been so encouraging. I can relate to so much of what you and your husband wrote – especially that annoyance about the ‘oops’ pregnancy for people who weren’t trying or not married, etc. Frustrating. All that to say, thank you again for sharing. I’ll be following your journey here, and looking forward to seeing some good news from you some day. You have lots of sisters on your side. (Found you from Sharefest! )
Thank you for this!! I have so many friends going through the same thing and will share your story with them.
Oh, honey..I am so sorry that you and your husband are going through that. I have a dear friend who has been trying for several years, but has not been successful, either. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. You have a a gift for words..thank you for sharing your heart with us.
I love the honest in this post. I have had one friend who has been trying for almost 2 years and another of ours just got pregnant right after getting married without even trying. It is hard to be happy for one without feeling that this is so unfair for the other. I love the honesty in your post and pray that things workout for you.
Beautiful post. I don’t normally read or comment on entries such as this, because it still hurts. It took me six years to get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby. During that time I suffered two losses and too many pokes and prods at doctors offices. When I had my son, there were actually twins, but one was lost at 3 months. It’s still hard to think about, and the comments people make, even well meaning, can sting. Lots of hugs to you and your husband! (#SITSSharefest Visit!)
So sorry to hear about your struggles Angelia! I know how tough and painful the journey is but glad you were blessed at the end. thinking of you!
I have been reading your blog for a while…. came across this post today at what a perfect time… I am prepping for my first frozen embryo transfer and have been at this “game” for over 3 years… and it still hurts every day…I feel your pain and can’t express how thankful I am that you were able to share your story, a story many women and couples share with you, with the world! thank you for sharing your journey!
Thanks so much Robin. I wish you all the best and hope things go well for you this month! xo
Thank you for this, Lindsay. My hubby and I have been together for over 10 years and decided last year that we are ready. No such luck in the child department, and it’s been tough because we are constantly surrounded by children and beautifully pregnant ladies. I’m hoping that God has children in our future, but it’s been a tough journey so far. I don’t want to say that I’m happy that there’s someone else in the same situation, but it definitely is comforting to know that we’re not alone. Thank you for putting into words what my hubby and I have been feeling. <3
Sorry to hear you’re struggling as well! I’ll be thinking positive thoughts for you guys. Hopefully 2014 is the year for both of us.
Big hugs girl! I can’t relate on the pregnancy thing, but I can say we have been trying to move for two years. Our house has been on the market for two years, and I want to vomit every time I see a blogger say “our house sold in 3 days!” or “wow we don’t even have a sign up yet and there is a bidding war!” I cry, Not understand why it’s so easy for them, etc. Every time someone would look and we would clean like crazy, get our hopes up, to be told they pass. We have shown it over 70 times, and it still hasn’t sold.
I have good days and bad days, and I try to remember that God’s timing is perfect and even though I can’t see the reason right now, I’m hoping I can look back one day and say “wow I’m glad I didn’t rush that, His timing really IS perfect!” I know that does not in the slightest make this any easier for you, but I just hope you have some good days where you can trust in His timing to be perfect for your little family, like I am trying to do. Big hugs friend, I am praying for you.
Thanks for the kind thoughts, Heather! I’ll be thinking of you guys and your house as well. How frustrating!!
When people ask us why we don’t have kids I tend to freeze. I blame it on being 25. I blame it on deployments. When I should just tell them we have struggled and will continue to struggle. Thank you for sharing this.
so sorry to hear you guys are struggling as well! i’ll be thinking of you! xo
I had no idea just how many people struggled with this exact situation until I recently started reading about it from some of my favorite women. It breaks my heart, but I also know that when your time comes (and I SO believe it WILL come), your appreciation and love for your child will be even stronger. You are incredible Lindsay, and if anyone is strong enough to handle these obstacles and never give up, it is you. I wish that you didn’t have to go through this, and that I could say something that would make it go away, but I am SO GLAD that you shared this–it takes strength and bravery, and you are helping so many people by sharing your experience. I know a lot of people say this, but honestly, if you ever need someone to cry/vent/bitch to about things, or a batch of chocolate chip cookies to cheer you up, I’m happy to do anything I can to help!
Sorry, that was really long. I’m an emotional human. xoxo
Thanks so much Ari 🙂 I appreciate the kind words and cookie thoughts 🙂 we both know cookies make everything better! xox
Thank you so much for this post. I am so choked up after reading it. It is so important for us to remember that we are not alone in this struggle. We have the support of eachother. One day, things will work out for us, but until then we have to be patient and trust that God will take care of us and has a plan for our bodies and our lives. If you ever want to talk, please feel free to email me.
xoxo
Hi friend!
I read this post last week and have been meaning to come back and comment.
First, thank you for writing this amazingly honest post! I struggled for a number of months to get pregnant (of course, you don’t see that part on my blog) and it was so unbelievably frustrating. I’m lucky to be on the other side of things now, and even luckier that it did not take as long as it could have (especially since I conceived at 30 years old), but my advice to young women who think they have all the time in the world is…you don’t. And there’s really not enough education out there to tell us otherwise. You spend most of your life trying so hard NOT to get pregnant and think you can just turn on the switch when you want to.
I wish only the best for you, my friend, Keep your head up and I know great things are in store for you 🙂
xo,
Rachel
not an easy topic, thank you for sharing.
WOW! I was almost in tears when I finished reading this post. I guess I’ve felt like this for a while but I didn’t want to give much thought to it because, well you said it… It’s HARD! It is so good to read from someone else who has a different perspective. I’ve been married for almost 5 years now and still no baby and it’s frustraiting to the point of tears and nasty thoughts.
Thank you for such an honest post. You are not alone.
Tanemi <3
This makes my heart hurt. Thank you so much for sharing this journey, it really is an eye-opener. I’m sending lots of positive thoughts & hugs towards you & your husband. I have faith that it will happen 🙂 you guys will be wonderful parents.
thanks marissa!
Girl, I feel your pain. I’ve been TRYING for almost 15 years. I about choked on the tears I was trying to hold back a couple weeks ago, when my new Bible study leaders announced they were prego. And they had been worried because “it took them 7 months”. And then they were worried that everything was going to be ok, and another couple started talking about how it’ll be fine – what could go wrong in pregnancy?!
Let’s just say I had a hard time driving home in the dark with tears streaming down my face, and looking back, I feel bad for my Hus having to deal with me when I walked in the door. You know what was ironic? I had been in a bible study a year ago and had thought about going back to it, but then when I found out that 7 – of the 9! – girls were prego, I said Hell to the NO!
Anyways, I can TOTALLY relate with you on this and feel your pain. I was actually told when I was 20 that I would never be able to get pregnant unless we did IVF. (That was in my first marriage). Fast forward to my second marriage and I actually found out that I COULD get pregnant because I had a chemical miscarriage. Ya. It sucked, to say the least, but I felt like there was HOPE. I KNEW that I COULD get pregnant, it was just a matter of time. Five years later, still not pregnant…until September of 2013 when we found out I was prego, and then found out it was ectopic. (The baby was growing in my left tube and not in the uterus. And no, they can’t “move it into the tube”. I asked. They can do everything to get you pregnant except THAT.) Long story short, my left tube ended up bursting and I was in surgery to get it removed a few days later.
I still have a chance of getting pregnant, but it’s going to be harder. I think it’s been more hard hearing about 17 other girls getting pregnant. Since September…
So yes, I DO know what you are going through. And hey! We both live in the ‘bus, so if you ever need a shoulder or an ear, I’m great at that! 🙂
so sorry to hear about your struggles as well! you’ll be in my thoughts!
A mutual friend sent me your post and like the others’ have said, your words struck close to home. I vividly remember bursting into tears the day my sister called to tell me she was pregnant…I had just made our first appointment at a fertility clinic. Each person’s/couple’s journey is unique, but coming to terms with the possibility of never bearing a child is incredibly personal and painful. We are among the lucky ones now thanks to modern medicine. Our experience has made me more sensitive to asking other “when are you going to have kids” and the like…you just never know if that’s what they want more than anything else in the world.
I wish you strength and perseverance in your journey.
Thank you for saying what needed to be said! This is such a personal pain and such an intrusion by others. Can I just say, we were extremely lucky to have one child, and then I had a hysterectomy at 25. I am now 48 and I STILL feel that pang when I see a pregnant woman, and that longing for babies is still there. I hate going to the gynocologist, not for the obvious reasons, but because I get tears in the waiting room as I see all the young couples with their sonograms, round bellies, or babies in baby-buckets. I am only there to try to manage hormones….it still hurts even though I know that. Ship sailed a longtime ago! Love to you and thanks for being so honest.
thanks so much for reading. sending love your way.
What a difference a year makes! When I read this last year it didn’t quite hit me the way it did right now. At this point in my life last year having a baby was not something I was planning for myself. Fast forward a few months and we were ready to try. I had been on birth control for 12 years and I knew things might not go back to normal right away. So here I sit not quite as far as you were in your journey, but I feel the same exact way! I dread people asking because I don’t know if I’ll have kids because I don’t know if I CAN have kids. I am so happy for you that things worked out how they did and it gives me hope that I too will be a mother.
thinking positive thoughts for you!!! xo
Thank you so much for posting this…I have been having a rough night and like your husband finding you inconsolable, mine found me that way too. I feel my calling in life is to be a Mom. My husband and I have been trying but have had Jo luck in pregnancy either. I feel like I’m alone at times and while I was sitting here feeling sorry for myself I looked up, “trouble getting pregnant”, and found myself reading your blog post. I think this was a sign from God to know that I’m not alone and that things will happen in due time. My husband and I have agreed to stop “trying” and romance it up a little and show each other the love we have for each other because after all, isn’t that how babies are made? Through love? I’ll be praying for you and thank you, again, from the bottom of my heart in knowing that I’m not alone….
you’re definitely not alone. i’ll be thinking positive thoughts for you!
Lindsay,
Big hugs to you and your hubby. Thank you for sharing your story. Like you I am a very private person and I totally understand your struggle. I am in the same boat and have gone through 1 IUI and 3 IVF’s. All failed. I am lucky enough to have a friend to talk to about it although she was successful her first round. So understanding my frustration I think is difficult at times. Staying positive is easier said than done. It will happen just not on your time frame. That’s at least what people tell me. Stay positive and sending lots of baby dust your way!