Learn how to survive colic. Are you a new parent with a baby who won’t stop screaming? Here are my top 5 tips for surviving with a colicky baby.
To the mom and dad with the colicky baby:
Hi. Fellow mom here. And not just any fellow mom. One who has survived the past five months with a colicky baby of her own.
I’m not going to ask you how you’re doing because I already know.
You’re tired (and not just the kind of tired that comes with having a newborn- been there, done that with my first baby.) No you’re not just tired. You’re exhausted, you’re irritable and you’re probably feeling a bit desperate. You’re tired of people asking if baby is doing any better (No), tired of reading useless articles about how to calm a fussy baby (because none of them work on your baby) and most of all tired…oh so tired…of hearing your kid scream.
Before your baby was born, you probably heard about colic, read about it, maybe even knew someone with a colicky baby. But you’re probably realizing now that colic is it’s own beast…and until you deal with it on a personal level, you really have no idea what it means.
By now you’ve probably tried a million different things – diet changes, gas drops, reflux meds, noise machines, music, swings, bouncing, walking, babywearing, driving, singing, running water, swaddling, rocking, darkness….only to discover none of them work. Not a single one. It’s just hour after hour of screaming….day after day and night after night.
It’s rough. And hard. And at times you’re probably gonna lose all hope. But don’t give up!
Although I’m not out of the woods yet, I have survived the past 5 months with a colicky baby of my own and I have a few tips for you:
- Realize that it will end. I don’t know when and probably not as soon as you’d like it to…but the endless screaming will not last forever. I promise.
- Be ok with letting them cry. It took me several weeks to realize this, but it is OK to feed them, put them in a clean diaper and then buckle them into a swing, turn it on and walk away for a while. It doesn’t make you a bad parent. It doesn’t mean you don’t love them. It just means you need a break. And let’s be honest, they’re probably going to cry anyways no matter what you do…so you might as well take a break.
- Find the quiet. When you take that break, get away from the crying. Go upstairs and take a shower. Go downstairs and turn the stereo on full blast. Go outside and take a walk. Whatever you have to do to get yourself a few minutes where you can’t hear the baby, do it.
- Try everything. Read all those articles and work your way through all the suggestions. Talk to other parents to see what worked for them and try it all. 99 of them won’t work. But when you find one that does, even for just one night…or for just a few minutes…it’s heaven.
- Cut yourself some slack. I honestly believe that a tape of a screaming baby could be used as a torture device. Sometimes it’s hard to hear yourself think with a screaming baby, let alone get anything productive done. So if you fall a little behind on pretty much everything, it’s ok.
- See #1.
Hang in there, mom and dad. You’re doing great. There’s nothing easy about parenting a newborn and colic only makes it harder. This to shall pass.
That happy baby that actually lets you put her down for a few minutes without screaming? She’s coming. The baby that has the occasional day where she smiles a lot, only cries a few times and goes to bed at a decent hour so you can enjoy your evening? You’ll meet her soon.
And it’ll be worth every single hard day and night. I promise.
If you’re still reading and you don’t have a colicky baby of your own…but maybe you know someone who does….let me tell you this. The best thing you can do for them is give them a break. Bringing food is great. Visiting is great. But the absolute best thing you can do for them is watch their kid(s) while they get out of the house. Even for an hour. At the end of the day. I’m talking about like 9pm, when the baby is going into its third straight hour of screaming for the 87th night in a row. Send them out the door while you take over.
Yes, the baby will probably scream the whole time and it won’t be much fun for you….but trust me when I say they’ll appreciate it…and it will be just a drop in the bucket compared to what every night is like for them.
Parents of colicky babies are an elite group, bonded by an experience I wouldn’t wish on anyone, but we all survived and you will too! Buy yourself some good wine and some ear plugs and take it one day at a time. You’re doing great.
And if you’re looking for the silver lining, here’s what I tell myself: Whenever someone apologizes to me because their baby is crying somewhere nearby, I can now honestly tell them that there is literally no amount of crying that offends me anymore. And then I offer to hold their baby, because I have become quite proficient at tuning out baby screams….and not everyone has had a chance to develop that important skill!
Enjoy!
Lindsay
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Thank you!
Oh man girl! Colick is THE WORST. My kids did not have it (thank God) but my sister’s first did and I was her nanny. Every flipping night starting at 6pm poor MJ would scream his head off. For hours. Like you said NOTHING worked. My sister finally when yo a hemeopath and got a tincture of cat nip and fennel Because she was at the end of her rope. I too have mastered the art of tuning out crying kids so I always try to snuggle them for a bit.
extra baby snuggles for the win! miss you, friend!
My son was the WORST. I swear the first 4 months of his life I would’ve been considered legally insane in a court of law due to lack of sleep and my nerves being shot from all the crying! I remember I kept trying to “fix” him when my MIL said one day, “you know Laura, that’s what babies do, they cry.” and I realized I wasn’t a bad mom or negligent or anything because he was colicky, but that he was a BABY and you are SO right…it did end!! 🙂
so true! xo friend
My colicky baby is now 11, and she is the sweetest, most charming middle-schooler I could have hoped for. I saw your article on Pinterest and remembered THOSE DAYS vividly. 11 years later I remember all of those sleepless nights, the showers I took until the water ran ice cold, the nights I sat there crying right alongside her from pure exhaustion. I just wanted to add a bit of hope! Not only did my colicky baby outgrow it (eventually), she also outgrew the terrible twos and tyrannical threes. Every day I look at her and I’m amazed and blessed. Hang in there!!! (ps… I’ll let you know how the whole adolescence thing turns out ;D )
so good to hear. thank you!!
Yes yes yes to all of this. Our baby is 6 months old and she screamed 6+ hours ( all waking hours?) for 4 months.. then she just became that happy ( a little fussy albeit ) baby we thought we would never meet. There is light at the end and now even her fussy days just don’t seem all that bad!
so glad she turned the corner for you!
My colicky baby is now 25. People who haven’t lived through it don’t get it. He would be smiles all day and by 5 the screaming would start every day. It does go away but, those months feel sooo long. My only addition would be don’t say, “He didn’t cry for me.” of course he didn’t, he didn’t cry for me during the day either. Judgement or rubbing our nose in it if they are quiet doesn’t help!
You are right to try everything. We found warm baths. So every night he’d get a bath until he was pruney and we’d get a bit of a break.
so so true. Glad you were able to find something to give you a break. For us it was blasting a hairdryer noise right by her ear.
You are such a shining light! I never experienced full-on colic but my second baby cried non-stop from 2 weeks old – 11 weeks. I know that’s SO short in regards to real colic but I feel the pain for you and those mommies dealing! You are doing an AMAZING job! Love this post
girllllll 9 weeks is PLENTY long!
Love and appreciate your honesty Lindsay. No part of parenthood is ever easy. Having a colicky baby can make you crazy. But, your tips are so spot on and so helpful!!!
thanks, Sara!
Oh, how I could’ve used a friend who understood colic when my second son was born. I remember asking a girlfriend for advice and she said, “I don’t know. My baby doesn’t really get fussy ever”. I wanted to punch her! Just kidding. Not really. I’m sure your post will help lots of moms feel less alone and more understood!
haha, i would’ve punched her for sure 🙂 thanks sally!
My first son had horrible colic that lasted 9 months. I was a 24 year old, single mother, living in an apartment complex. I’m pretty sure my neighbors hated me .
Good news, he’s a 16 year okd high school football player now. He never complains of ilness or ailment and has been the sweetest and most loving child.
awww glad to hear it! can’t imagine how hard it was for you!
Oh LIndsay…I’m seriously at my wit’s end and this is exactly what I needed to read this morning and perhaps every morning for awhile now. Yes, we’ve tried just about everything and will continue to google and read whatever material we can get our hands on until we find something..anything that will stop the crying! Tonight it’s the crib wedge. Yes, people keeps telling me that this phase will come and go but I want out NOW. I feel terrible because so many times I just want to throw the baby out of the house and then feel guilty telling myself “what kind of mother are you? you are supposed to feel nothing but love for this bundle of joy.” The days are long and nights even longer..it’s isolating, lonely. I feel too anxious to take the baby out so I’ve resorted to staying inside most days. I don’t want to burden others so don’t feel comfortable asking for help..thankfully the hubby is totally hands on and when he comes home from work and on weekends, I get some relief. Yesterday he took a day off and we actually started letting him cry it out after finding out that he weighs 12 pounds now at his 3 month checkup. That was so incredibly hard to hear but seriously I can’t hold him all the time! He cried straight for 30 minutes, but I think we are going to keep trying this method at least once a day (when the hubby is home haha). As soon as I put him down he cries like there’s no tomorrow and stops immediately when I pick him up. I’ve resorted to wearing him all the time..and meal times? Ha..I binge eat and shove whatever I can get into my mouth in 5 minutes. Anyway, I say all this because I know you can relate and it feels so good to talk to someone who understands..to know that I’m not alone. Again, thank you for sharing your story, Lindsay. You know, it took us 5 years to meet this baby, and I am so so grateful and thank the Lord every single day. I get to embrace this miracle baby every single day…but that doesn’t mean every night I ask the hubby, “why did we want this?” haha
hang in there friend. Feel free to email me anytime. It’s so, so hard and you’re doing a great job. Please please don’t be afraid to ask for help. You NEED a break, it’s so important to take care of yourself so that you can better take care of him. xo
I am in complete tears after reading this because it’s sounds like my story minus the helpful husband. My husband never offers I always have to ask. Anyway thanks for this its comforting to know it will stop oneday. What did you use to wear the baby
Love this so much! I needed this when my son was a newborn but man I don’t wish those days on anyway! THank you for keeping it real!
xoxo
This is such a sweet post. My daughter was also colicky (although I refused to admit it. I didn’t believe in colic – thought it was a made-up condition). She just turned 9 so I can tell you it WILL pass! (She’s still feisty, though!) I love your advice to give the parent(s) a break. That was so hard for me – I didn’t trust anyone else could handle the colic, so I rarely dropped her at the gym daycare, only went on short errands, etc. (I look back now and think I had postpartum anxiety). Also, funny story: I took my colicky baby to an expo where Dr. Harvey Karp (Happiest Baby on the Block) was speaking. After his talk I took my daughter to the nursing area, fed her, then walked around. She started wailing again, so I took her to Dr. Karp’s booth. I was like the desperate mom holding out my baby to him and saying, “help me!” He took the baby, did his 5 S’s…then handed her back to me – still wailing – and told me she’s just hungry!!!!
Where did you get her cute headwraps?
they’re from a company called Baby Bling Bows!
Long showers, solo trips to Target (at all times of the day), and wine got me through colic… and now I have the most amazing little boy. It will end. Hang in there! <3
This is 110% spot on. My first was so colic 6 months so you may be getting close to the end?!!!? I agree with every tip. I never understood shaken baby syndrome until I had a comic baby. Because if I wasn’t strong enough to just lay her down and walk away I could see how you just want to shake them. I heard once navy seals actually are sleep deprived and do listen to a screaming babe. Hang in there you have the right perspective. And I couldn’t agree more that no amount of crying phases me and I always offer to help.
Wow what a great read. I really needed to hear this. My baby is 2 months and I am exhausted. I have tried everything.
This article has given me hope Some days are just so so hard. I repeatedly say to myself “she will outgrow this stage-this will not last forever” but some days-I can’t help but to cry along with her. This too shall pass-stay strong mamas!!
hang in there! it does come to an end!